Dear Tom Hanks, (I Love Your Movies)

So it came to my attention that Mr. Tom Hanks had some words for my fellow Mormon people the other day. He said something along the line that Mormon supporters of Propostion 8 are Un-American. I am American (see post below). Is it un-American to stand up for your religious beliefs and exercise your right to vote? Is it un-American to fight for something you believe in? The answer is NO. So let me ask Mr. Hanks if since I am a Mormon and a supporter of Propostion 8, am I un-American? Have I spent 6 years of my life in the U.S. Army training to deploy and fight for this country, training soldiers to fight for this country, and investing hours and hours of my time just to be called un-American by someone who does not know what it is like to train like I have? NO. He makes movies, good ones I admit. He has every right to say what he wants, he's an American right? But I will not be called Un-American by someone who doesn't know how I live and work. Will I watch his movies? Yes. Does he care what I say? No. So I'm venting here just to vent. Maybe Tom will read this and send me an e-mail. Maybe say sorry to a religious group that invests so much money as a CHURCH to help the less fortunate around the world. The CHURCH didn't raise money to support Prop 8, CHURCH MEMBERS raised the money. Funny how that works, Church and State are seperate, but Church members and state rely on each other to get things done.

Make America, America Again.

The best quote since Barack Obama was elected was on The Daily Show: "Obama got elected, Racism is over." Obviously this couldn't be farther from the truth. Its an unfortunate world we live in where we can still discriminate against someone's race, religion, or place of birth. Sure there are horrible white people, horrible black people, and so on and so forth. But amazingly there are also people of each color that are extraordinary.
The election coverage was great, and the turn out was outstanding. Sure we spent $120 million dollars on it. We could have put that towards cancer, homelessness, AIDs, or something else. We could have used the almost $1 Billion dollars raised campaigning for President on the same stuff. But that's silly. That's not just for this election and inauguration, we could use every single person's campaign or inauguration money on something worth while.
Hopefully Obama can fulfill his promise. We must make America respectable in the eyes of the world again. The stock market is rising since he has been in office (2 days) and there is a newfound hope that is breezing through America.

So I must say, "President Obama please do not sell yourself to the major corporations of America, do not forget those little people around you. It is in your hands now to make America, America again. Fix us and you will be not only be celebrated throughout history for being African-American, you will be celebrated for being an American that was proud to be an American."

I am proud to be an American. I am glad I live in a nation free of tyranny and oppression. My President will fix America. My President is Barack Obama.

Christmas Etiquette

Tis the season. Tis the season of gifts and good times. Family and Friends. But there are some things that you should be aware of come this Christmas. The Dos and Donts. You need to have what people call "Christmas Etiquette". Here are some examples and all will be explained so as not to offend anyone and get me chastised (see two posts down).

1. Do not point to a fake tree and say, "Merry Xmas, Communist"
   
2. If you are a man DO NOT deviate from the Christmas List you are given. No matter how awesome that gift looks, it is not what is written therefore it is not what is wanted.


3. If you are a woman, you can deviate from the list ONLY if the gift is of greater value and use than what is listed.


4. Do not say, "I make the most money so when you buy gifts for me, I am basically buying them for myself."


5. When opening presents in front of people prepare your excited face NO MATTER what is in the box. Complain later in secret, be excited now.
   
6. If someone gets a better gift than you, DO NOT whine until they give it to you. Ask where it was purchased and go buy it later.


7. Kitchen utensils and cleaning supplies are not gifts, BUT they make awesome stocking stuffers.


8. Mistletoe is a great tool, but if you slip your mother-in-law a little tongue, you might be wrong. Or you may be right. (I will get back to you on that)
   
9. Christmas morning is the one and ONLY time a 30 plus year old person can wear a one piece pajama outfit while talking to other adults.


10. If you get up from the dinner table and don't feel overstuffed and a little sick, DO NOT get up. Keep shoving it in. Its not food you are filling up on, its the Christmas Spirit.


11. If I get "The Dark Knight" on DVD I may need to watch it within an hour of opening it.


12. If you are a wife, be cautious of bragging to another wife about how great your husband is and how awesome those gifts he gave you are. The other wife may have opened a few spatulas and mop that morning.


13. If Santa breaks a window to get in your house on Christmas Eve, you may want to call the cops.


14. Regifting is a personnal insult. UNLESS it is given to you at your in-laws and you give it to your family or vice versa.


15. And finally, Christmas is a celebration of the Jesus' birth, keep that in mind when you see someone ringing a bell or Toys For Tots. There are people less fortunate than us
    

And there it is folks. A few dos and donts. Just remember this Christmas, be on your best behavior, love one another, eat and be merry, and make sure when you peek at presents put the tape back exactly where it was before.

Oh I forgot two:

1. Wrapping paper is to be ripped to shreds while opening presents. DO NOT pull off the tape and gently fold the paper up. Tear it up like a Rottweiler going after a sausage stuck in a couch cushion.
   


2. Chuck Norris is Santa and his gift to us is not roundhouse kicking all of us in the face.
   

Merry Christmas

What Satan Looks Like

Just A Thought.

D.R.A.F.T.

First of all, hello my old friends. None of you have read this blog. Understandable. Its only been a year and a half since it was created. Everything is well here, but recently I have caught what is called "The Christmas Bug". I am very excited for Christmas. Could it be the good times with family? Presents? Or celebrating the birth of Christ? All of those true. Its a great time of the year.

Unfortunately this time of the year brings about certain things I have to take a stand against. Well not really things, as much as one thing. A corner stone of American Christmas. The tree. Songs have been written about it and Christmas wouldn't be the same without it. But in some genius' mind in the 1800s, a thought grew. Plastic and Trees... how can I profit from that. Bingo! The dreaded fake christmas tree.

Fake Christmas trees are destroying Christmas and the youth of tomorrow. Fake trees are like taking the Christ out of Christmas. Merry X-Mas! Have a fake tree! Lame and Inappropriate

I have founded D.R.A.F.T. (Dads Really Against Fake Trees) to campaign for the removal of fake trees (see pictures to the right and left).

Here are some key arguing points:

1) Fake trees can still catch on fire

2) Fake trees contain PVC, not good for little ones to inhale.

3) Fake trees are made in China, if the trees are like their milk or paint, you don't want one

4) Fake trees can cause lead poisoning

5) Fake trees lead to our youth questioning. "How do real trees grow?" I will tell you that they don't grow in metal segments, that you have to pull apart to get that real look. Fake trees could lead to set backs in education. Nobody wants that.

6) Have you ever seen an upside down tree in nature? I don't think so, but some genius thought he would make one out of plastic and laugh at Mother Nature. Do you know that guy's name? No? Mother Nature dealt with him.

Here are the reasons Real Trees (see picture above) are great:

1) Biodegradable, Recyclable, Reusable!

2) American Made!
3) Contain all natural ingredients and smell delicious!

I think I make my point. Sure both can catch on fire, but if you water and care for your real tree you drastically reduce the chances of a fire accuring.

Here is a story about a young man and his family. Iowa, some years ago, a family of 4 goes out to get themselves a real tree. The family trudges through the dense Iowa snow looking at rows upon rows of trees. Finally like a beacon in the night the family sees the tree they must have. Now the father, being the man he is, hands the saw to one of his sons. His son begins to saw, when he tires the other son takes over. Breathing heavily from exertion and excitement, the tree is felled. Christmas was joyous that year and the tree was well taken care of.

So I challenge you. Get a Real Tree and save Christmas. Your kids' kids will appreciate the tradition and so will you. So the next time you see a fake tree, smile and know that your real tree is out there somewhere waiting for you to find it. When you see that perfect real tree, take a deep breath. Thats not pine you are smelling. That is Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Case Of The Mondays

Normally I don't really about Mondays. Today was an exception. I woke up feeling like crap, had a full day at work with a migraine and nearly threw up. To add to that it felt like I was walking through a wall of water because of this friggin humidity. But as I always try to do I found a positive early in the morning. That is positive is the fact that I am not in prison right now getting cornholed by some giant dude. Positive right? Anyways other than my work part of the day I have had a great day. My wife is happy, my son is happy, and my sister-in-law Carrie (single and looking) bought us dinner. Tomorrow will hopefully be better... at work at least. But at least I'm still good looking.... right? No. Dang it.

Some Things About Me

First Off: The Notebook is probably the greatest movie ever, hands down. Now that that is out of the way we can move on with some things. Here are some of my opinions: Iowa Rules, best state ever. Next: When the end of the world comes it is not going to matter how much food you have saved up. All you need is a stockpile of cigarettes, booze, guns, and ammo. The guns and ammo are for defense of your booze and cigarettes. You won't need food because everyone is going to want to trade you for your booze and cigarettes. Don't go cheap on the cigarettes though, have some respect for the dedicated smokers and they will respect for you. Next: I think military service should be a requirement for all men and women at the age of 18. They should be made to serve two years with the option to stay in, get to choose their duty station, or get out and enjoy the rest of their lives with the great experience they receive. Next: I believe that your family is always going to be your family. No matter how much you make them angry they will always be there for you. It is easier to be friends with them than it is to be their enemy. You should be willing to do anything for them and they should be willing to do anything for you. Next: All politicians are corrupt. They should be elected by the people for the people, but when they are elected they are for themselves and the companies/people who paid for their campaigns. Next: Guns aren't bad, but the system that allows crazies to have guns needs to be re-evaluated. I don't mind the NRA, but they think everyone needs a gun even those who have crazy juices in their brain (not a good idea). Thought of the Day: Guns Kill People Like Spoons Made Rosie O'Donnell Fat.